Merry Christmas Party People! She made it through her very first Christmas and today of all days she got her very 1st tooth! You know that song that goes ” All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth?”Well.. It kinda happened for her… I hate to admit that I have become one of those chicks who are so madly obsessed with their baby! But the truth is, she’s just as obsessed with ME and I kinda really like FINALLY having someone on earth who actually believes I am as cool and popular as I have imagined I was for my entire life. Babies are brilliant people because they boost your self esteem, they laugh at all your jokes and they gaze at you as if you are the most stunning creature they’ve ever laid their eyes on! Listen! I can’t believe it either and when I first got her, or popped her out and once she was done cookin’ and arrived I kind of looked at her cock eyed like, ” You’re mine right? So now what am I supposed to do with you? You wanna go get a smoothie? I had NO Clue, None, Nada, Like Clueless. But now, I kinda have a clue and the trick with these lil people is to simply love them and they simply love you right back and occasionally slap you, pull chunks of your hair out and if you’re really lucky, they may projectile vomit all over their brand new Christmas outfit and all over you in a a very crowded public restaurant just as mine did to me 2 days ago. And I mean PRO-JEC-TILE! Like the kind of puke that comes out looking like a fountain, like you see in movies, like the kind that makes other people start puking when they see it happening. Sorry T.M.I, I know. But this was an A-Ha! moment where I knew I’d been changed because as I wiped the chunks from my hair and my face and KNEW people were staring at us with their OMG crazy eyeballs. I could have cared less however, since I am kinda feisty, I’ll admit, I waited for just one nasty comment and I was ready to pounce like white on rice and throw out my best line in my really good pretend New York accent which could actually also be mistaken with a Bridge & Tunnel New Jersey accent and say, “WHO YOU TALKIN’ TO? I KNOW YOU AIN’T TALKIN’ TO ME LIKE THAT!” PS- It really seems to scare people when you say that and you look a little crazy too, it also helps if you twist your neck from left to right and use your pointer finger to point while doing so! Anyhow, I looked at my kid covered in milk, puke and what looked like cottage cheese slime and I just smiled at her, I held her up to make her laugh and I wiped her tears and her dirty mouth with my sweater and proudly stood up with puke all over my dress, I threw my hair up in a bun and I bounced my kid up and down until she felt better and she rested her head on my shoulder as to say, Ma! You passed my puke test, good job candy girl! The moral of my story? I’m not quite sure yet but I can tell you that I am getting kinda ridiculously awesome at the whole M-O-M job and I’m using this moment to pat myself on the back and hopefully make you laugh a little… Merry Christmas my friends, I hope your holiday was all that and a bag of milk chocolate covered chips! Oh! And enjoy these gorgeous photos of my mini me which were taken right before Holiday Puke Fest 2010!
XoXo, Candy Girl