BREAKING NEWS! Put on your Leg Warmers! Richard Simmons is making a Guest Appearance in Candy Land a
PARTY PEOPLE!!! What are you doing just sitting there on your tookus? GET UP! GET UP and Pllllllease go put on your fanciest Leotard, Leg Warmers and Sweat Band because Richard Simmons is coming to Candy Land and our publicist has been trying to get him here for years! For so long, his people told our people that it definitely wasn’t a good idea since Richard promotes NOT eating candy and we encourage you to shovel it down your throat in pounds & buckets! Anyhow, we baited him with these photos of The Heiress To The Candy Empire in all her fitness glory after doing her Biggest Loser videos and Richard finally gave in! He realized that when she was done with her Step Routine, we rewarded her with a Giant Cupcake. That’s when the alarms sounded & we began receiving frantic phone calls, emails, texts & BBM’s alerting us that Richard Simmons just hopped into his Pink Barbie Convertible and was on his way to Candy Land to come rescue our little Chunky Monkey and yell at all the candy girls and especially her inappropriate mom!
Listen Richard! I went to Fat Camp for a gazillion summers and I danced to your crazy videos in my bedroom for years. Those were my birthday presents back then! Oh Yeah, and every 14 year old dreams of receiving a stack of Sweatin’ to the Oldies Videos! I get it, burn more calories then you eat, or eat less calories and no carbs and no sugar and no fat and no meat, eat only air sandwiches and eat ice cubes for snack time, drink 40 gallons of water and exercise until your rib cage and collar bones start popping out! I KNOW! You see, in Candy Land we are fans of ridiculous fun, poking fun, making fun and having fun and we’ve realized that fun makes you happy and once you get to happy, you no longer rebel against doing Sweatin’ to the Oldies at 6 am in your living room, you just do it because you love the fact that Richard Simmons is leader of the fatties, a silly man with wild electrocuted looking hair who’s outfits resemble those of our very own Hollywood Candy Girls and we are happy to exercise with you Richard because you make our baby laugh more than any person, place or thing and we love seeing her wild laughter! We promise to chill out on the candy & cupcakes and do more carrots and oatmeal. Thank God that even with all these issues, we still managed to land a super smokin’ husband and baby daddy who thinks we’re amazingly funny, smart, sexy & perfect just as we are!
See you when you get here Mr. Simmons, we’re doing arm circles and cart wheels as we sign off and as our friends from the Bay area would say, we’re gonna look “Hella” sexyfied!
XoXo- Candy Girl
OUR FAVORITE SWEATIN’ TO THE OLDIES! Party Off The Pounds!!!